Tossing batting practice while contemplating a career in Nascar after getting to New Jersey in three hours from the Bing last week...

Greetings from Georgia, where it's rained for five days straight and hasn't dipped below 50 degrees/ As long as its not snow, I'll build a freaking Ark if need be. I made it down here relatively safely with the help of Grandpa, we only had a half dozen near death experiences, but was an interesting ride nonetheless. Here are the intial thoughts of life on the way to, and in the south.

All minivans should be banned from the fast lane, punishable by imprisonment and public flogging. We need a crime that can bring back public flogging as a punishment, and I think this could be it.

Anyone who tries to clean their windshield on the highway deserves a lesson in physics and then the death penalty.
All people from Connecticut are idiots, a-holes or both (I’m looking at you JT).
Some guy decided that despite it being 4 degrees, and him not possessing washer fluid it would be a good idea to drive 70 mph while leaning out his window to pour water in the windshield. Of course most of it wound up on my windshield, immediately froze and I almost hit a guardrail because I couldn't see.
I hope he drives off the Housatonic River bridge

NBCs David Gregory apparently trolls Maryland rest areas wearing a blue Dodgers jacket with his last name written on the back of the jacket, presumably for when people like me see him and can't remember why he seems familiar, or because he has a huge ego, but probably a combination of both.

One thing we're missing out on in the Northeast is more black sports radio hosts.
(A side note Microsoft suggests I say blacker sports radio hosts, instead of more black, a Microsoft employee hasn’t been this wrong since Bill gates fired his stock managers)

Anyways, Michael Holley is tremendous but his best usually doesn't come out unless he's got Vince Wilfork or Richard Seymour on, and his pop culture references and slang aren’t going over the head of a middle aged white man with teenage children.
Down here so far I've heard at least four lengthy soliloquies that sound like the Miller High life guy, and boy do these guys like to call people out in a more colorful and humorous fashion than anyone on Weei.
PS: I hope that after a long fruitful career with 5 more Super Bowl titles Wilfork, Seymour and Ty Warren are plying their radio trade like Brentson Buckner does down in Charlotte, he's basically black Fred Smerlas only smarter and infinitely more hilarious.
Or maybe he’s everything Smerlas isn’t but you get the idea.

In Charlotte I have heard the term "Panther Nation" thrown about repeatedly. I mean really? They are a nation? Show me a Panther fan with a mailing address outside the Carolinas and then we can revisit the concept.

Say what you want southerners about Massachusetts being a liberal and immoral state that allows gays to marry, while you folks are so religious and pious, but you won't find any highway billboards advertising sex shops and strip clubs where we live.
(the Heathens in Connecticut might though)

It didn't actually hit me that I lived in the south until I stopped at the burger king over the Georgia border. It was just different all the way around and very uncomfortable.
The only difference between me and Reggie Hammond (Eddie Murphy) walking into the redneck bar in 48 hrs was my skin color.

Apparently the UGA football team went through 5 offensive tackles this year, if they grow their young boys like they did the two female burger king attendants, I think the Dawgs could safely go through 5,000 tackles without much drop off.
Those two were clearly vying for the title of ugliest woman in the county, with the consumption of each burger.
They’ve probably been married twice, and have seven kids between them.

So I've decided that anytime anyone asks me to say "park the car" I'm simply going to reply with, "ok but only if you say 'life is like a box of chocolates'..."

Back later this week with more Dueling Banjos, and football nonsense.